isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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