i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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