taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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