everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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