She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
