I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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