He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
