On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Come back. Shots need mouths.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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