Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
