So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
