I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
