Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
