So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
