It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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