why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
