so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize