Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
