OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
