it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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