ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
