We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
