ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
