You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
you never un-have a 4some
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
