Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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