This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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