Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
