The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
