im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
