There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
