I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There's always time for handjobs
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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