Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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