That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
