tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
