You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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