I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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