youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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