i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize