I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
