he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
