theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
