Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
