YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
even my farts smell like vagina
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
