I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
