sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
