so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
