I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize