There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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