at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
