I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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