I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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