she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
