she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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