he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
