does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
