The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
