it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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