i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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