Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
