hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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