At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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