His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
