i barfeds in our rink
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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