forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
