Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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