I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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