Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
