last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
