You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
