and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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