Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
