I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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